Wednesday, October 12, 2005
No! No "happy endings"!
A friend of mine has been fretting lately about his three-year-old son's recent discovery of his penis -- and, more specifically, the combination made by penis and hand, which as we all know is a whole significantly greater than the sum of its parts.
Those of you without access to toddlers might not know this, but masturbation is quite common among that age cohort, and apparently they can even get themselves off. (I've only read this, haven't actually witnessed it, so I suspect that this is restricted to girls. What I remember from grade-school health class is that boys' parts aren't all connected and functional until puberty. But, in the interests of full disclosure, I must admit that I attended grade school in Kansas, so this information could have been total bullshit intended to keep us 5th graders from attempting any funny business.)
Anyway, my friend and his wife would like the little fella to stop exciting his Little Fella, especially in public, but they also don't want scar him or make him feel bad, and they're smart enough to realize that they can't effectively prevent him from doing it.
I say, if you can't stop it, you might as well revel in it, and in that spirit, I've found the perfect gift for the little rascal:
[wait for it]
available at http://www.cafepress.com/timeriftnetwork.28176885
Those of you without access to toddlers might not know this, but masturbation is quite common among that age cohort, and apparently they can even get themselves off. (I've only read this, haven't actually witnessed it, so I suspect that this is restricted to girls. What I remember from grade-school health class is that boys' parts aren't all connected and functional until puberty. But, in the interests of full disclosure, I must admit that I attended grade school in Kansas, so this information could have been total bullshit intended to keep us 5th graders from attempting any funny business.)
Anyway, my friend and his wife would like the little fella to stop exciting his Little Fella, especially in public, but they also don't want scar him or make him feel bad, and they're smart enough to realize that they can't effectively prevent him from doing it.
I say, if you can't stop it, you might as well revel in it, and in that spirit, I've found the perfect gift for the little rascal:
[wait for it]
available at http://www.cafepress.com/timeriftnetwork.28176885
